Coming Storm
by Mittonio
Summary: Laura Oakes is a detective. She's not very good. However, after a run in with a vampire, she accidentally stumbles into the Sorcerers world and into a certain Mr Pleasant.
1. The First Case

There's a storm coming. I can smell it in the air.

I can't actually , all I can smell is dirt and blood, but it sounded cool. There's a dead body in front of me. I nudge it with my foot. It used to be a woman, who had brown hair and an apparent penchant for disgusting tartan skirts. Now it's just an empty shell that has a deep gash across the neck and chest.

"Ew." I mutter as I inspect the wound.

Reaching into my satchel, I pull out a notebook and pen and begin to write.

_Woman, dead._

_In a forest whose name I can't remember, think it started with an E._

_Main suspect- Maybe a bear?_

I'm not sure if I can arrest bears, or maybe I have to call the RSPCA. A drop of rain lands on my forehead, and I look up to see a ceiling of grey above me.

"Oh bloody hell, I curled my hair." I whisper.

I'm starting to regret coming out to this forest at evening. I'm also starting to regret listening to that strange woman Enigma in that pub, because she had a ridiculous name and somehow knew about this body before the police. In hindsight, I should have maybe questioned that, but that's all water under the bridge now I guess. Plus, I did go in asking for cases, and this is by far the most exciting one so far.

"Okay, Laura, you want to be a detective, and that entails some weird stuff. Maybe I wasn't expecting it to be this weird, but I will just grit my teeth and bear it." I tell myself.

"Clues. Yes. That is what detectives need. Clues."

I start to stare at the ground, not entirely sure what to do. In CSI it looked so easy, but I can't see anything but mud and fungus. Suddenly, something sparkles in the corner of my eye. I walk towards the shiny object and scoop it up, examining it in my palm. It's a small silver cufflink, in a strange shape that looks a little like a Japanese character.

"Mm, that is probably useful. Not sure how, but it definitely means something."

Just as I am pocketing the cufflink, I feel a breeze directly behind me. Whirling around, I turn to see a devastatingly handsome man in a suit the colour of the night sky.

"I see you've found something of mine." He says, in a purr that sounds like sliding satin.

"Oh, the cufflink?" I ask, slightly taken aback by how blue his eyes are. They're like glaciers, cold but beautiful.

"You must be the girl Enigma sent." He says, smiling a little.

I grin. "Ah yes, Enigma. Silly name. Not bitching, I said it to her face. Don't think she took it very well though. Yep, she sent me, I'm a sort of detective in training. Are you here to, you know, help me chase leads, dust for fingerprints, that kind of thing?"

"I'm glad she sent someone a little weaker this time. A mortal. The last one put up a struggle, and what happened wasn't really my fault." He circles me as if he hadn't heard anything I had just said.

"I had desperately wanted one with magic, but I guess you will do for the time-being." Giving me the same look a lion gives to an antelope, he grins and looks up to the sky.

"It's night-time, little girl." He whispers. "Oh,I do love a chase."

I back away slowly. Clearly this man is insane, but he looks slight, so I reckon I could take him in a scuffle.

"L-Listen, I know karate. Yeah, all the moves. The swooping eagle, the crouching tiger. That one about a grasshopper." I stammer, not very convincingly it has to be said.

He reaches up to his head, and I start to think he's going to pull a gun from behind his head like Bruce Willis in Die Hard when he rips off his skin.

He rips off his skin like it's a plaster on a wound, suit and all, revealing a pale, black eyed, hulking creature.

The creature howls as it looks straight at me.

"Oh crumbs." I whisper, then I turn and sprint into the inky shadows of the forest, the creatures breath so near I can feel it on my neck.


	2. Turning a blind eye

I'm sprinting over fallen trunks and roots, that seem to be trying desperately to trip me.

"Oh sweet Jesus." I keep muttering as I try to outrun that godforsaken thing that's hairless, horrible and bloody fast. There are tears streaming down my cheek, tears I know are black from my mascara. All I can think is "Please don't let me die looking like an emo panda."

Suddenly a tree rushes up to meet me and I run straight into it. I'm knocked back onto the mossy ground and immediately the creature is above me, panting over my face. I see its huge canines, sharp and terrible.

"Hi." I plead to it. "Hi, you're like really hot when you put your skin back on. So maybe instead of eating me or whatever you want to do, why don't we go get coffee instead?"

The black eyes above me don't show any response. There is no light in them. They're as dead as the woman we left behind.

Looking around desperately for some means of escape, I spot a sharp twig. Darting my hand out to try and grab it, the creature jabs with its claw to catch my arm. It pins my arms down, and I can feel a wetness on my elbow, so I assume the thing cut me.

It sniffs my neck, and I try to squirm away, but it's too strong. Just as I am preparing myself for whatever awful thing is about to happen, I see a bright light over the creatures shoulder.

The creature turns its head away from me to hiss at the source of the light, and it loosens its grip. I take the opportunity to grab the twig. It turns its head back to me, and I push the sharp end of the stick up. Straight into its eye.

The creature makes a screaming noise, and then suddenly it's on fire. I scramble away from it, and watch as it scampers back into the darkness, the bright flames leaving a glowing trail behind it.

The light from before is getting closer and closer, and I try to stand but my legs feel frozen. Peering up I see a figure wearing a long coat, a figure whose face is covered by a scarf and sunglasses. In one gloved hand a clout of fire twists and dances, and in the other is a shiny black pistol.

"H-Hello, please don't set me on fire as well." I say, looking around for another stick.

"I don't intend to at this moment in time." The voice is definitely of a man.

I stare at him. "Okay." I say.

"Come on, he's going to come back." The man slides his hands under my arms and lifts me up. He's alarmingly thin.

He jogs ahead of me, and we run in silence for a few minutes. I'm not entirely sure of how he knows where he's going, or why I'm trusting him. Still, it's better than staying in the forest with that creature.

We finally reach the outskirts of the woods, and I spy a black Bentley parked on the small road. The man opens the door and gets in, and I follow suit. Then he starts to drive.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to question you. I am a detective, so there is nothing to worry about." he says. "It's simple protocol, nothing personal, but if you lie I may have to shoot you." He states this in a jovial tone, and I'm not sure whether to take it seriously or not.

"Let us start from the beginning, shall we?" He asks. "What is your name?"

"Laura Oakes."

"Pleasure to meet you Miss Oakes. Now that strange creature that was recently pursuing you was a vampire. Normally I would simply send you on your way home, however you made the minute mistake of blinding him, which he will not take to kindly at all. Now ,Miss Oakes, vampires are like elephants..."

I am completely lost, in this talk of vampires and elephants, but I try to put my brain in order.

"They never forget?" I ask dubiously.

"Correct. Therefore, you're in a bit of a predicament, as our vampire will not stop until he gets you, so to speak."

"Oh. That's not very good."

"Astute."

"So vampires are a thing? Except not like Dracula?"

"Yes."

"Um, well, can I have some of your gloves please? You know, they make fire somehow, and that seemed pretty effective."

"No."

"Well, if this thing comes for me, it would be a little nice to have something to fight with. Or am I going to go into witness protection?"

"No, you can't have them because they don't make fire."

He sighs, and removes the leather gloves slowly, laying them on the dashboard. At first I think he is absurdly pale, but then I realise no-one could be that white.

He removes the sunglasses, the scarf, the frizzy wig until I am staring at a skeleton.

The skeleton looks at me and says "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance Miss Oakes. My name is Skulduggery Pleasant."


End file.
